Nights

Something about nights.

Hi, I’m sorry it took so long for me to write again.

I don’t remember much about my childhood but there’s one memory that’s very clear in my head. I once saw a ghost in the window of my house as a kid. That night was terrifying, I used to sleep with my parents at the time and started panicking, my mom and dad woke up and put me to sleep once again. I don’t know if the ghost was real or even if the memory is real I somehow remember the feeling of being terrified.

So many years have passed now. I don’t believe in ghosts or god. I believe that humans exist and we’re capable of being good and the bad. Ghosts were really scary back then but now the place is taken by something else, I don’t know what that is, I don’t even know if it has any form or name or what. Some nights its the feeling of “Why Me?” the other nights its “Am I enough?” and the funniest part is that some nights I’m scared of my own dreams, and I’m not even talking about nightmares here. I’m talking about my dreams, ambitions my aspirations.

Growing up I chose that nights are gonna be the time when I’ll start working. I’ll study at night, I’ll learn new skills at night and I’ll work towards my dreams at night. Its so funny that I chose nights as the time to work for my dreams when I’m supposed to get new ones. Right now I’m suffering with a little something. I can’t really trust nights anymore, or I should say that I can’t trust myself anymore during nights. My biggest supporter i.e. me doesn’t really support me at nights sometimes. I keep feeling like I should give up on all of it and I should take rest. I don’t think that’s why we’re here though, we’re not supposed to give up. Doing good things is hard and I should sit down and take two deep breaths and then start walking towards my dreams again. That’s what I do as well.

If you’re also going through any of this, If you feel like giving up then just think about the kid version of you who had all these dreams and who wanted you to be somewhere. That kid will give you strength, you’re not alone nor am I. This world is mine and so is the night. These dreams are mine and the pain will be mine too. Make the little you proud, he/she is always watching you.

Its almost 3:00 Am now and I have work tomorrow I won’t be going to bed right now but lets see.

Bye.